I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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