proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
