Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
there was a trapeze. enough said
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
