In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
