I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize