What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
