Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Your cock deserves a montage
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
