so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
