I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
