So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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