I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Never let your siblings swipe right.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
