Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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