do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
