Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
