somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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