Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
