I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
