she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
