WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
