it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
