just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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