I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
