I hate your face
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
