Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
