just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
