i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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