THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
