And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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