Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
