That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
