I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
