I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
