Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize