I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
as a side note pls kill me
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
