Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
