it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
