How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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