just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
