Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
