i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
