Where is the hickey?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
