broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
