there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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