Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
