i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
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