dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
