i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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