after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
