she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
