So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
