dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
