I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
