you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
