I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
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