y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
