ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
