So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize