This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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