Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
