yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
