hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
